Do you know why I'm such a good driver? It's because I have the world's best, most attentive back seat driver ever. Driving with Connor is like that dream I had where I was taking the test to get my license and the DMV tester person was sitting in the passenger seat with a clipboard marking off every little infraction.
"Are you going to turn here Mommy?"
"Yes I am."
"Well you better turn on your arrow!"
After I changed lanes. "Mommy! You went over the line. You are not a great driver. I'm going to call the police."
Then I stopped at a light, after I stopped I rolled forward about 2 inches. "Mommy! You are not a great driver. Your wheels moved a little bit. I'm going to call the police."
We were on the freeway and he felt I should use cruise control. "Push that button. The arrow keeps moving. Make the arrow stop moving."
Heaven forbid I miss my exit. Oh my gosh! "Mommy, where are we going? Mommy why didn't you turn? Mommy why are we going this way? Mommy this is not the way to our house. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy."
"What?!"
"You are going the wrong way."
"I'm so so sorry. I'm not a great driver. You should call the police."
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Prompt
Writing Prompt: Start your story with "She touched the little box in her pocket and smiled."
Ok, Here we go...
She touched the little box in her pocket and smiled. A moment later the city bus pulled up and she carefully stepped on.
"Well, hello Lizzy!" said the bus driver. Retired from the Army, he had started driving the city bus to get him out of the house for the day. "Where's your ma today?"
"Hi Mr. Montgomery. Momma has to work today. She said I go to see Chris by myself."
"Well, that's mighty brave of you, riding the bus all alone."
"I'll be alright."
"No doubt about that. I'll make sure you get where you're going."
She took a seat directly behind the bus driver. It was the first time her mother had ever let her ride the bus alone. She was nervous and wanted to be close to the kind Mr. Montgomery. But if anyone asked her she would say she sat there so she could listen to the Jazz playing quietly on his radio.
Along the way they passed the little store where her and Chris used to buy ice cream sandwiches with the money they earned walking old Mrs. Appleworth's dog. She remembered the time Chris was in the back of the store leaning against the drink coolers and talking to that girl from school who giggled too much. She wanted Chris to hurry up. She was bored and the store smelled like beer.
"Chris! Come on. Mamma's gunna be worried!" she had yelled to him. But he never even looked at her. He just waved his hand towards her in an effort to get her to stop bothering him. So she wandered around the store a bit and then casually walked out without paying for her ice cream. As soon as she was out the door she ran all the way to her building, up the stairs, and into her apartment. She was gasping for air when she arrived home but she tried to act normal.
"Hi Momma." she said casually as she unwrapped her stolen treat.
"Lizzy? What on Earth is going on?" her mom asked while wiping her hands on a dish towel. "Where's Chris?"
"Talking to a girl at Mr. Robert's store."
Just then Chris came bursting through the door. "God damn it Lizzie!" he yelled. "What did
you go and do that for?"
"Don't you talk that way in our house, young man." their mother said.
"Ma, Lizzy stole that ice cream! Mr. Roberts said I better get her back there right away or he's gunna send the cops here."
"Elizabeth Rachel Hawkins! I swear. What gets into you girl?"
At the store Momma paid for the ice cream and then made Lizzy work at the store after school for two whole days as punishment.
"Lizzy. Hun? This is your stop." Mr. Montgomery's voice broke through the fog of her memory.
As she approached the hospital the glass double doors opened to let her into the cool, bleached air. She gave a small nod to the lady behind the desk and walked to the elevators. The door opened as soon as she pushed the button and she stepped into the empty oversized elevator. On her way up she took the small metal box out of her dress pocket. She had gotten it out of Chris' room that morning while Momma was making breakfast. It was red with a black lid that had a red dragon on it. She rubbed her thumb over the dragon while she waited for the door to open.
Her dress shoes clicked on the shiny tile floors on her way to Chris' room. The door was open and the curtain was drawn halfway so she could only see him from the knees down. His skinny legs and feet were the only disruption to the smoothness of the thin blue blanket.
"Hey Chris. Happy Birthday!" she said as she sat down in the chair next to the bed. The blinds covering the window were open and the room was filled with summer sun. The nurses had brought in a balloon that said "Happy Birthday" in colorful letters on a silver background. The TV was on but he sound was turned down to almost nothing and the remote laid on a wheeled table along side Chris' uneaten breakfast.
"Hey Monkey Face." Chris whispered. "Where's Ma?"
"She had to work, she said to tell you that she'll be by later." Chris nodded and moved his eyes back to the soundless TV.
"I brought you something." She said after a moment and handed him the dragon box. He struggled to remove the lid, working on one corner and then another. Lizzy almost offered to help him but knew better. He finally opened it to reveal a blue and red braided friendship bracelet.
"Thanks." he said holding it up in the sunlight. "It's really great."
"I made it for you." she said taking it from him and wrapping it around his thin wrist. "You are supposed to make a wish while I tie it on." Chris closed his eyes and wished while she tied the ends in a knot.
He held his arm up to both admire and show off his new bracelet.
"So what did you wish for?" she asked.
"I know I'm not supposed to tell." he said smiling and giving her hand a light squeeze. "Did mom say when she would be here?"
"Seven I think. Do you want me to get your breakfast for you?"
"No thanks. I actually going to take a little nap. If that's ok."
"Sure Chris. Whatever you want." She sat back the hospital chair and watched him drift off to sleep.
Ok, Here we go...
She touched the little box in her pocket and smiled. A moment later the city bus pulled up and she carefully stepped on.
"Well, hello Lizzy!" said the bus driver. Retired from the Army, he had started driving the city bus to get him out of the house for the day. "Where's your ma today?"
"Hi Mr. Montgomery. Momma has to work today. She said I go to see Chris by myself."
"Well, that's mighty brave of you, riding the bus all alone."
"I'll be alright."
"No doubt about that. I'll make sure you get where you're going."
She took a seat directly behind the bus driver. It was the first time her mother had ever let her ride the bus alone. She was nervous and wanted to be close to the kind Mr. Montgomery. But if anyone asked her she would say she sat there so she could listen to the Jazz playing quietly on his radio.
Along the way they passed the little store where her and Chris used to buy ice cream sandwiches with the money they earned walking old Mrs. Appleworth's dog. She remembered the time Chris was in the back of the store leaning against the drink coolers and talking to that girl from school who giggled too much. She wanted Chris to hurry up. She was bored and the store smelled like beer.
"Chris! Come on. Mamma's gunna be worried!" she had yelled to him. But he never even looked at her. He just waved his hand towards her in an effort to get her to stop bothering him. So she wandered around the store a bit and then casually walked out without paying for her ice cream. As soon as she was out the door she ran all the way to her building, up the stairs, and into her apartment. She was gasping for air when she arrived home but she tried to act normal.
"Hi Momma." she said casually as she unwrapped her stolen treat.
"Lizzy? What on Earth is going on?" her mom asked while wiping her hands on a dish towel. "Where's Chris?"
"Talking to a girl at Mr. Robert's store."
Just then Chris came bursting through the door. "God damn it Lizzie!" he yelled. "What did
you go and do that for?"
"Don't you talk that way in our house, young man." their mother said.
"Ma, Lizzy stole that ice cream! Mr. Roberts said I better get her back there right away or he's gunna send the cops here."
"Elizabeth Rachel Hawkins! I swear. What gets into you girl?"
At the store Momma paid for the ice cream and then made Lizzy work at the store after school for two whole days as punishment.
"Lizzy. Hun? This is your stop." Mr. Montgomery's voice broke through the fog of her memory.
As she approached the hospital the glass double doors opened to let her into the cool, bleached air. She gave a small nod to the lady behind the desk and walked to the elevators. The door opened as soon as she pushed the button and she stepped into the empty oversized elevator. On her way up she took the small metal box out of her dress pocket. She had gotten it out of Chris' room that morning while Momma was making breakfast. It was red with a black lid that had a red dragon on it. She rubbed her thumb over the dragon while she waited for the door to open.
Her dress shoes clicked on the shiny tile floors on her way to Chris' room. The door was open and the curtain was drawn halfway so she could only see him from the knees down. His skinny legs and feet were the only disruption to the smoothness of the thin blue blanket.
"Hey Chris. Happy Birthday!" she said as she sat down in the chair next to the bed. The blinds covering the window were open and the room was filled with summer sun. The nurses had brought in a balloon that said "Happy Birthday" in colorful letters on a silver background. The TV was on but he sound was turned down to almost nothing and the remote laid on a wheeled table along side Chris' uneaten breakfast.
"Hey Monkey Face." Chris whispered. "Where's Ma?"
"She had to work, she said to tell you that she'll be by later." Chris nodded and moved his eyes back to the soundless TV.
"I brought you something." She said after a moment and handed him the dragon box. He struggled to remove the lid, working on one corner and then another. Lizzy almost offered to help him but knew better. He finally opened it to reveal a blue and red braided friendship bracelet.
"Thanks." he said holding it up in the sunlight. "It's really great."
"I made it for you." she said taking it from him and wrapping it around his thin wrist. "You are supposed to make a wish while I tie it on." Chris closed his eyes and wished while she tied the ends in a knot.
He held his arm up to both admire and show off his new bracelet.
"So what did you wish for?" she asked.
"I know I'm not supposed to tell." he said smiling and giving her hand a light squeeze. "Did mom say when she would be here?"
"Seven I think. Do you want me to get your breakfast for you?"
"No thanks. I actually going to take a little nap. If that's ok."
"Sure Chris. Whatever you want." She sat back the hospital chair and watched him drift off to sleep.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Warning: Poop talk ahead!
Red likes his walks at 7:50 am. Sharp! So this morning we are out on our regular walk. Now I have to tell you that Red will only poop on a walk if he gets near this one type of flower. I don't know why. Weird, I know, but I swear it's true. So I do my best to keep him away from these plants. So far so good.
Until today.
I was walking through this one spot where there are quite a bit of these flowers. We were walking along and then all of a sudden Red just backs his butt up into this bush and starts pooping. Crap! (literally) Right as I realize what is going on this car turns the corner and I just know that it's this lady who is known for her calls to the HOA.
This lady walks around the neighborhood several times a day being a busy body and reporting everyone and everything she sees. I don't know if she is on the board, or just bored. But either way, I know this is bad news. She caught me bagless while my dog poops into a flowering bush. Awesome.
She drove down about 5 houses and stops. There is no way I'm going to leave the poop there while this lady is watching, so I just stand there. We were in a stand off. She was sitting there staring at me. I was standing there staring at her. But I was determined to wait her out. She's the one who has somewhere to be, not me. Finally after what seemed like 5 minutes she slowly drove away.
Yes, I went back and picked it up. Lord knows she is going to check that bush when she gets back home to see if I did. And I don't need any letters from the HOA. I thought about hanging my full poop bag on her doorknob with a letter saying something about how since she was so interested in my dog's poop that I wanted her to have it. But I didn't.
I'll just post it on the internet instead.
Until today.
I was walking through this one spot where there are quite a bit of these flowers. We were walking along and then all of a sudden Red just backs his butt up into this bush and starts pooping. Crap! (literally) Right as I realize what is going on this car turns the corner and I just know that it's this lady who is known for her calls to the HOA.
This lady walks around the neighborhood several times a day being a busy body and reporting everyone and everything she sees. I don't know if she is on the board, or just bored. But either way, I know this is bad news. She caught me bagless while my dog poops into a flowering bush. Awesome.
She drove down about 5 houses and stops. There is no way I'm going to leave the poop there while this lady is watching, so I just stand there. We were in a stand off. She was sitting there staring at me. I was standing there staring at her. But I was determined to wait her out. She's the one who has somewhere to be, not me. Finally after what seemed like 5 minutes she slowly drove away.
Yes, I went back and picked it up. Lord knows she is going to check that bush when she gets back home to see if I did. And I don't need any letters from the HOA. I thought about hanging my full poop bag on her doorknob with a letter saying something about how since she was so interested in my dog's poop that I wanted her to have it. But I didn't.
I'll just post it on the internet instead.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Summer Cleaning
So how has your summer been going? Mine? It's ok. Trying to get this house cleaned up. I've decided to make good use of my slaves... uh... I mean... kids. I've decided to make good use of my KIDS.
Surprisingly they actually liked cleaning. We attacked my bedroom today. Connor wiped down all the baseboards and then dusted. Maddy cleaned the bathroom floor and helped with the baseboards. I did the blinds and windows, then picked up all the clothes and other odds and ends. Why does the Master bedroom become a catch all?
I would say we worked for about a half hour. I was sweating and looking for a break, so I told the kids they could go play.
"But Moooooooooom....I want to keep cleeeeeeeeaniiiiiiiiiing!"
"Well, if you're good we will get to do some more cleaning tomorrow." Ha!
Can you believe it?
This was in stark contrast to the last time I tried to get actual hard labor out of them. Connor was game but Maddy cleaned the floor with her tears and got to vacuum as punishment for the bad attitude. So maybe the helpfulness today was influenced by that? Either way is fine with me.
Surprisingly they actually liked cleaning. We attacked my bedroom today. Connor wiped down all the baseboards and then dusted. Maddy cleaned the bathroom floor and helped with the baseboards. I did the blinds and windows, then picked up all the clothes and other odds and ends. Why does the Master bedroom become a catch all?
I would say we worked for about a half hour. I was sweating and looking for a break, so I told the kids they could go play.
"But Moooooooooom....I want to keep cleeeeeeeeaniiiiiiiiiing!"
"Well, if you're good we will get to do some more cleaning tomorrow." Ha!
Can you believe it?
This was in stark contrast to the last time I tried to get actual hard labor out of them. Connor was game but Maddy cleaned the floor with her tears and got to vacuum as punishment for the bad attitude. So maybe the helpfulness today was influenced by that? Either way is fine with me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
